Last week, Patricia Snope had a decent life as a secretary. She's a mother of two and plays the lottery. She was a curious woman, exploring new things. She was gentle, caring, nurturing and contemplative, because these were the characteristics of her star sign, Cancer.
However, this week the zodiac signs changed, and Patricia became a Gemini. This change shifted the world beneath her. Her employer noticed the change and promptly fired her due to Patricia's new personality. Just because a scientist, who has no training in astrology, has changed the zodiac calendar.
"It feels like my world is spinning," explained Patricia. "If I can't count on horoscopes, how do I know who I am? How do I know what lottery numbers to choose? And now I've lost my job, what will I do?"
However, this week the zodiac signs changed, and Patricia became a Gemini. This change shifted the world beneath her. Her employer noticed the change and promptly fired her due to Patricia's new personality. Just because a scientist, who has no training in astrology, has changed the zodiac calendar.
"It feels like my world is spinning," explained Patricia. "If I can't count on horoscopes, how do I know who I am? How do I know what lottery numbers to choose? And now I've lost my job, what will I do?"
Patricia tried to file a complaint with human resources, but they said that they could do nothing. There are laws against discrimination because of your race, gender, religion and sexuality, but it's still legal and socially acceptable to judge people based on their star sign, so Patricia does not have a case.
When asked about the incident, Patricia's boss, 43-year-old Bryson Hubbard didn't hesitate to explain his actions.
"I can't have her Gemini type around here," he said. "They're too chatty; she might divulge company secrets. I never did trust them Geminiggers."
People throughout the world are having to change their zodiac signs, from Scorpio to Libra, Virgo to Leo, Taurus to Aries, Pisces to Aquarius, and Saggitarius to Ophiuchus, which is the new one, and it appears to be in the shape of a guy fighting with a giant snake. Many December births have expressed concerns about becoming chronic masturbaters.
Some refuse to believe that the calendar changed at all. Reports from newsfeeds indicate that this technique is working.
Dr. Gunter Ladder from Metastudies University suggests denial.
"I fear that, if you believe this scientist that your astrological sign has changed, many people will immediately become incompatible with their spouses," explained Dr. Ladder. "It'll be a cold day in hell when I admit that my wife has become one of those raving Saggitards."
When asked about the incident, Patricia's boss, 43-year-old Bryson Hubbard didn't hesitate to explain his actions.
"I can't have her Gemini type around here," he said. "They're too chatty; she might divulge company secrets. I never did trust them Geminiggers."
People throughout the world are having to change their zodiac signs, from Scorpio to Libra, Virgo to Leo, Taurus to Aries, Pisces to Aquarius, and Saggitarius to Ophiuchus, which is the new one, and it appears to be in the shape of a guy fighting with a giant snake. Many December births have expressed concerns about becoming chronic masturbaters.
Some refuse to believe that the calendar changed at all. Reports from newsfeeds indicate that this technique is working.
Dr. Gunter Ladder from Metastudies University suggests denial.
"I fear that, if you believe this scientist that your astrological sign has changed, many people will immediately become incompatible with their spouses," explained Dr. Ladder. "It'll be a cold day in hell when I admit that my wife has become one of those raving Saggitards."
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